My latest experiences a letter to the local churches

Being new to this area, I thought I was going to be leaving behind me the many travesties I've experienced at my local parishes, as well as with these other protestant churches I liked to frequent.  Only to find, it's the same spirit, same problems, same issues, same ego's, as before., The state of our churches these days seem to be across the board in a state of sickness and most people don't have a clue as to what's going on, they proceed forward with blinders on, thinking this is all there is, and do not question what's really going on.  From an early age, the Holy Spirit has made a huge direct impact with my life, and my thirst has never been quenched within any church system, body, or structure at all, in fact, they have brought more heartache and confusion then peace.  This is until I stopped listening to and accepting what is, knowing the Lord had something in mind far better then that for all of us, myself included, and I refused to be pacified with weak theology, watered down messages, hopeless fellowship with infants in Christ, and it's been a journey only he and I, through and with our Lord Jesus Christ and the Father all mighty, all of my life.

My recent travels has me bouncing between two local parishes, of which I attend the Saturday evening mass, and the Sunday church scene with a few outside protestant churches on the same weekends, every weekend., None of them do I fit in at all with, and I can no longer remain quiet about them.  I'll describe my experiences so far, and hopefully, this will circulate through some of the church leaders to affect change.  If anything, ignore my message if you choose to, but you will no longer be able to claim ignorance or self deception when you reach judgment by the All Mighty!

When I first showed up into town, one of the first things I wanted to check out were the local Catholic parishes.  The first one, one of those ultra modern, retro church buildings, and I was dismayed from the moment I walked in.  No kneelers, the pews were packed together with barely any space between them, and of course, they added padding to the works.  I felt immediately this to be a very sterile, progressive parish, and being rather orthodox myself, I was immediately turned off.  I knew this is one of those "liberal" parishes, similar to my old one, that did not start out that way, but ended up that way, and that the irreverence would be abound.  Low and behold, I did finally attend a few masses there and was proven not only right, I had to correct their priest after the mass, telling him to NOT take the Lords name in vain during the homily again, I attended yet one more "glutton for punishment I guess", and heard the Lords name being said in vain by one of the parishioners while they were gabbing away prior to mass, within the church itself. At the last one I attended, there was a different priest, and he was very good, so don't consider me to lump them all together guys.

I as my usual self, instead of joining into the racket, kept to myself, said my prayers and devotions prior to mass starting, knelt down during the proper times, showing reverence for the mass, and grit my teeth, while I mustered enough patience to get through their masses.  Their music was undoubtedly on the better side, for Catholics, as in the one thing they had going for them was a more retro/modern upbeat set of hymms., but that is absolutely the only thing they had going for them except for that one time, with that one priest, the rest of the times, it was a serious struggle to put up with.  I remember the last time I attended, one of their greeters shook my hand and went through the motions to welcome me, when I attempted to engage in an actual dialog, I got the ol, spirit of we don't actually talk to strangers attitude...., this is true with every single Catholic church I've ever attended anywhere, and it's true for far too many Protestant ones as well.  I'm not even going to mention the out of control young children the parents insisted upon dragging into mass, I just loved how they would carry on all the way through it, screaming, talking, crying, even had on the last time, this one child sounded like they were barking like a dog, the kid was either possessed, or in serious need of medical help, the last thing you do is bring totally uninterested, out of control children to any church service, let them stay at home with a babysitter or something, perhaps a temp day care at the facility or something, we do NOT come to mass to listen to a playground and observe poor parenting in action.

Second on this chopping black, the parish I'm actually signed on with, it's a traditional building, with the traditional adornments, regular pews, formal setting, not modern at all, and this appeals to my orthodox nature.  It's just more conducive for prayer and worship in places like that.  Again, I attended the Saturday evening service, and it was clear, this was a very luke warm parish, people barely participated, they just didn't know how to, and mumbled the prayers and songs for the most part.  The homilies, always were flat, lacking in so many ways, and of course like all I typically encounter these days, were about feeding the people milk alone.  I decided, I'm going to dig in and entrench myself, just as I have with other parishes, and lead through example, participate boldly with volume, and hopefully they will follow my lead.

I started off with urging the music department to turn up their mics, that the people needed to hear more volume in order to keep up with what's going on.  It didn't take a lot of persuasion, but once that was implemented, people started to participate better, I noticed other parishioners also started to follow my example and pick up where I left off at, this was a good thing, and took far less time to do then my old parish.  I was my typically appalled as they filed in, as usual, forgetting this is a house of prayer, gabbing away to their hearts content., So, several times, I would show up early to pray the rosary out loud.  People seemed to quiet down, since they realized they were now competing, vocally with someone praying and in worship of sorts, itself. 

Their music program was and is  horrible, like almost all Catholic masses, it started out with some old man that was tone deaf, leading the service, and we now get a regular line of shrill singing gals, that for the most part, pick only music far out of the range of normal human vocal capacity, as well as go out of their way to find pieces that make almost no melodic sense.  Following the music that's written in our hymnals never actually happens, they always elaborate, take extensive creative liberty upon, and one is expected to pick up 'their' version of it all, even so far as it's not uncommon for them to even change the words themselves. 

I of course, as a musician may be getting involved with their music programs, but my style and type of playing is more into advanced theory and I'd have to turn upside down what we experience in music, in mass itself, but it would absolutely grab people's attention and it would be dynamic and I know, enjoyable, be it, not for the ancients that can't handle anything outside of their norm, I also don't have the confidence nor skill to consider my singing abilities to be noteworthy, but between the guitar and trumpet, I think I could do better if they would allow me to break free from the gregorial, rather impetent selections of hyms.  I'll talk more along the music aspects later in this.

I find my work is cut out for me here, and so continue on with my street ministry down town. And, hopefully I get to find somewhere to fellowship with my protestant brethren on Sunday eve and my Catholic family "rather estranged at the moment", as well, and hopefully, even during the week also., Thus my search in that area begins, and I'm still searching guys...I had a pretty full schedule up north, and I'm not one to merely dabble with anything, there were regular bible studies, house church, formal church, private devotionals, retreats of sorts, visiting the sick and elderly, you know, all that stuff were are supposed to be doing as Christians...Things we are all called to do in scripture...

Now, onto yet another local church, actually, two of them, just up the street from me:

I noticed on the corner of the highway, some megalith church building, huge white pillars, very impressive sight, but the front of the building is pointing to the freeway, and it's more for display then actual use., People don't use the front door, only the rear, which is the first sign for me, the building is a big marketing tool...  I figured, I had some pleasant experiences with their so called flavor of denomination, at least in bible study with them, so attended a few of their services.  Day one, I was shocked.  I get into this place and instead of singing hymms, we are "entertained" by an old time quartet, complete with the cheazy introductions from the singers, this was my first experience with the "circus" church, and that's the best word to describe this form of "worship?".  This then moves onto a rather weak prayer, and then I'm subjected to this guy rambling, relentlessly using a system of preaching that was just wrong.  All I felt the whole time is that I was being assaulted with this guys rant, and he clearly was merely following some system passed down to him.  No words were genuine, and I don't recall a single thing he mentioned along teaching or a message from our Lord or his Word, it's one of those, where if you are being bombarded with fluff, you tend to zone out.  The people attending it were merely sitting in their pews, fufilling what I call their pennence, which to me, that is what it was putting up with all of this, and this particular one was a visitor, more concerned with recruitment for his agenda's, then actually getting the message out to the people.  Saving souls was the last thing on his agenda, his message was about dominance and conquest, and that alone.

I visited it twice more, and the regular pastor was far worse, and I'm going, if this was a democracy, you would have been impeached long ago "kid".  I say kid loosely, he's in his 20's from what I've heard, but appeared to be in his 40's, and it's clear, he's only there trying to follow in the family footsteps, not at all called to be any church leader.  The last time I attended, I dropped by to bring one of their members to their service, she was ill, so couldn't attend, but has me bring them her "thith", it was around $80.00, and I'm a bit enraged of this, the woman is probably the most dirt poor person you will ever know, she doesn't even have shower facilities, she has to borrow from the local neighborhood for that basic necessity as just one example, that 80.00 was a huge amount of money to be given to this bloated institution.  I gave the pastor her check in person and attached a note, requesting they check in on her and merely ask her if she needed anything.  On that note, I wrote in a few references to scripture, one of them about the widow that gave all that she had.  I was hoping they would see her living conditions and offer some help....well, they were only concerned with her money, they don't drop by here place at all, and in fact, those of us OUTSIDE of her church are the ones that have been helping her get by in life.  If anybody from their church dropped by, I haven't heard from them, but obviously, that church is doing absolutely nothing at all to help her with her situation, and she's clearly, the widow type mentioned in scripture.

Adding onto it, I figured out that church is using the Jehova Witness system, as in, everybody must dress up in suit and ties, they must attend as many of these brainwash sessions as possible, they must obey and follow all of these rules and regulations, that are not at all scriptural, and it's the same spirit of control with them, as it is with the JW church.  If you don't attend certain numbers of times, if you do this or that, or not do this or that, if you are not following their control and dominance, you are essentially lost.  I was even confronted by one of their members, "while I was working on another one of their members cars pro bono, as a good neighbor", and they guy starts to berrate me because I'm Catholic, then insists I attend their services, I invite him to mine, and he then became quite offended....like his faith is so weak, or had such hatred from my church, that it's insulting for me to ask.  I don't blame him so much as I do the people that have taught him, his leaders, and this is very, very typical.  I get this often from these places and individuals, even get these same hostilities while proclaiming the gospels on the streets themselves.  I expect the world to be hostile, but not people that are supposed to be brethren in Christ...

I then being fed up with that place, decide to try out the church next door, only to find the guy leading the Sunday evening service is more concerned about being a rock star then actually leading the flock and bringing them closer to Christ.  He's an x alcoholic, and you get to hear that several times during the service, every service, his message reduces God to being a drug, something else to get into besides the booze and drugs, and his sermons, very, very little meat, just ramblings of an amature to Christ, not at all someone with any kind of authority, yet he's there in front, the one in authority, running the show?  I'm feeling out of place in that one, that if I don't have some past drug or alcohol problem, I simply don't fit in.  What about us that are there to worship the lord, we have AA or NA meetings for the rehab elemements, we have concerts for the other stuff, there is a time and place for everything, but this is not it!  I attempted to open a dialog with him, and his wife, being the senior pastors daughter, was obviously more in control behind the scenes then he was.  I know more now about their health and financial problems then I ever wanted to and it's not like I even asked, it was blurted out and proclaimed for all to hear, and get this, they are supposedly having a "healing" ministry?  I'm going, well, then where is your own healing?  You speak of God's grace and mercy and love, but it's not showing in your lives.  I look into the eyes of the pastor himself, and see he's guilt ridden and in a lot of turmoil and pain over his past.  This is not an individual that has picked up his cross and came to Christ, letting him ease his burdon, this is someone that's merely transferred over his addiction from one thing over to another, he's still in bondage just as he was before.  The wife, I told her I'm Catholic, and immediately I'm hit with a barrage of why being Catholic is wrong.  I never was able to get in a word edge wise to educate her about what we really believe.

I then get to the latest and greatest on my local journey here.  Keep in mind, another Sunday evening service, and I know those are typically the lower key services the protestants have, the same as the Saturday evening mass at the Catholic church, but the chain is only as strong as the weakest link....

This one I've only attended twice, and it reminded me of a low key one up north I would visit, it's not a service, more of a bible study, the appeal behind it, we get to interact with what's being taught...Well, that was at least the framework, it's application so far, it's yet again, we are stuck in the pews, don't get to actually interact, we have to listen to some self appointed leader tell us how it's all done and what it means.  I was actually impressed with the few brief moments some of the people were allowed to speak and their references to scripture, but, this is typical, the leader won't let us participate.  At the same time though, there are some important things these guys merely do not understand, some very basic things, and obviously, milk is in order if the answers from the congregation is not forth coming.  Pastor, I know you are temp, but you had plenty of time to formulate your questions, these people did not, so give them time to think about the questions you give them, blank spaces are fine, even if not a single person knows, have them pray about it for a bit before you give them the answer.  You are dominating the service/study, not facilitating, which in another word means serving.  I know, just as the others above, we all can bombard people with a ton of data, it's what we know, what we are into, what we live for, but we must always step back, don't overload these people,  and if they leave with only a few things, make them be profound, make them be something they will reflect upon during the week, and hopefully the rest of their lives.


I was inspired with their form of music, more traditional, hymms I never was all that greatly exposed to, but low key and down to earth.  I enjoyed singing along, and part of the spirit of worship, and why I like to fellowship and worship in groups, the singing or praises to the Lord fills the heart with a great deal of joy and it's pleasing to him.  They had a very good pianist and two flutes playing during them, which I thought was a very nice added tough.  Since I started back into trumpet, after setting it down 25 years ago, I thought it might be a good idea to see if I can join in some time, afterall, I'm looking at the sheet music with the hymms, and they didn't seem overly challenging, and since this place had a mainstream musical accompaniment, I opted to see if I can get involved....Well, here is the story behind that one, and it was not at all pleasant.

I get pulled into the Lords ministry far too often, which prevents me from being in attendance along any regular morning schedule, there is a long story behind that, but will save that for another time and it's not necessary for this discussion, so I could not attend this churches try out's and sit in's on their practice.  I was called up at around 4pm to sit in with them for their 5pm service and play my trumpet.  I explained that I've gone through their hymnal and their music is not exactly the songs I'm used to even hearing, much less playing, so since their service is about picking up songs at random, and the list is extensive, I opted to see if I can play merely one song, amazing grace.  For I've been playing two versions of it, two different key signatures of it in practice regularly.  I told this gal this is super short order, and she'd have to bear with me, and I wanted to show up prior for a short practice.

Low and behold, it wasn't a practice session, it was about how much superior she was to me, in all aspects, and luckly, the flute player there was helping me through it all gently.  The sheet of music I was playing from, a totally different version of that song, different key signature all together, and it was written down in a disorganized jumbled mess.  Nothing at all mainstream one typically encounters.  Well, I explained from the get go, my chops were not what they were used to, but I did manage to pick up that version of it, and I think the total we had to practice was about 5 minutes.  New song, new sheet music, to live which is quite the accomplishment for somone that has put his trumpet down for 25 years...

I was then told, if I hear a hymn and the music seemed within my grasp, to join right in.. .

She neglected to tell me that I must transpose the music on the spot, in real time, live because she plays a different key. It's like saying, here is some English text, I want you to read it in Chinese in front of an audience, and it has to sound perfect, even though you typically have to take hours, going letter to letter, changing the text into chinese words.  This is NOT something any professional band anywhere expects someone to do.  Needless to say, there were a few songs I was confortable playing after hearing the melody, but when I started to hit the notes as per what was written on the sheet music, exactly, they were the WRONG notes.

I know now, what's going on there with that places music program.  Any professional band will want you to be fluent with reading and playing sheet music, but you always get time to practice it as a band for a few days before going live with it.  Her agenda is to get you just barely able to play, you only get an hour before service, you don't even get to see the music before then, and you go live....Well, guess what, she's got full access to that music the whole time, and she's also good, so what happens, she dominates it all, she stands out as the best player for all of the public to see, and we as the musicians are stressed out beyond compare.  This is NOT the person I will reccomend leading any music program,. keep her on board with it to play, but NOT to lead.  That was the most brutal experience I've ever had in my entire life playing in public anywhere.

Adding onto it, I felt like I was being scruitinized with my basic faith, she asked me several times about it, and why I have to explain my faith to her is beyond me.. If you have faith in Christ, especially if you are devout, you will just know, there is no need to ask.  You will see it in each other, you will know it in your heart, and you will share his love together.  I didn't see any love in this woman, I only saw scrutiny, like I had to pass some test, and it was a very worldly test.  I was and am rather humble with people, very nervous in this whole scenereo, and not at all felt welcomed or in fellowship, like I have to prove something to this gal, and do so within the worldly terms she laid out before me.

I debate with atheists and with them, worldly terms is all they can understand, I didn't expect this much from someone that's supposed to be a believer.

Going back to that teaching with this service/study entailed.  The message was about not being part of some man made church.  Well, guess what my friend, it was a man, you, that made that church that day, it was your agenda,  your direction, your everything that it was created by.  It was also man made with the music requests from the congregation.  We had created a man made construct with zero tradition, and the lesson being taught was to not follow anything man made?  Then, after  you asked why we believe in the word, and what's next, I answered, we are supposed to proclaim it, I said so twice, but you controlled the room, so it was not answered by you, and the third time around after more of your dialog, you at least acknowledged my answer, that we were supposed to Do what was written as well.  But, this went on and on with your empty dialog.  There was more that could have been covered, without it, far more ground could have been grasped that day.  What else, one must live what is being taught.  One must love what's being taught.  One must meditate upon what's being taught.  One must etc,. etc. etc. and ect. and these aspects were completely ignored, we were hit with that barrage I spoke about along that other church....I don't care if you know what you know, or think you know what you know, I want to hear what the people there know, and let us fellowship in the study and get to the real meat and potatoes that's relevant to us, not what's relevant to you and where you are at.

I was the second to the last person the leave that church that day, left the same time as that music coordinator, and she mentioned that attending their sunday morning services, there weren't any of those "rituals", and was clearly on the agenda taught. ...  Well, if you understand the mass, you will know that it's not merely some stupid man made ritual, that there is far more to it then that, and each aspect is not frivolous at all. Her intention and goal from day one, was geared towards me wanting to convert, to reject my church, and this is typical with people these days, they don't like formalities, they want to toss them to the side for something easier to digest, for something that's far shallower, which relfects their souls, and it's par for the course in our society.  If she and the pastor here understood, the mass is actually based upon Jewish tradition, that it's the Christian equivelant of a Jewish service, which the latter has been ordained and implemented by God himself. By calling it a man made construct is going against all that has been taught to us in the first place, that we are not supposed to just wing it all and turn worship into a game.  That the Holy Spirit guided the Jews, and now the Christians into an orderly form of worship, and sure, we have more freedom then the Jews to elaborate upon, but the framework must remain in tact.


That all said, all off of my chest here, I want to share with you my own calling, and I want to explain how to discern yours as well. 

I was called into what I thought was the priesthood at the age of 12, I didn't have a reference outside of that aspect, and didn't know our Lord has more rolls then what man has established for us, for we all think in a formal setting.  My calling, just now is within the preaching aspect, in particular street preaching, it's into the counseling aspect and healing of souls.  I've been called a prophet, a messanger, a man of God, and numerous other things, by those that are devout.  I've been called many other things by those of the world, and I take the latter with a grain of salt, since there have been people I've pulled out of some pretty dark areas, leading them to the light, and I tend to plant seeds, more then anything else.  What I call myself, myself is merely is one of Gods children, as we all are, all of us that breath air, are called to be his deciples. 

What I've experienced is a lack of dicernment with ones calling.  Priests that should be scholars, pastors that should be counselors "in one of the above examples, music ministers", pastors that should be merely admiinstrators, and a how slew of things.  Very few of us are actually cut out to tend his flock, and the ones that are, for the most part are doing it miserably.  There are a few exceptions so it's not a blanket comment I'm making here, but honestly, the ones in charge of the churches these days, all of them, need a lot of help and if they are not willing to listen, their arrogance and pride are leading many souls to the bowls of hell itself.

Souls are at stake here gentlemen, this is for eternity, not for this temporary construct of where we live in.  So, so many are in charge that are following orders and the ways from the evil one himself.  This is why it's very important to discern your roll, where do you fit in.  Is your leadership serving mammon, men, or the Lord?  Always take a second take on everything you do, your actions and your position. If you are not ready to leave your high platform immediately and serve on the lowest levels, you are not ready for the kingdom of God and you are going to be held accountable for every single sheep that strays from your flock.  Sadly, all I'm addressing here are now going to face judgment for your actions, or inaction, and unless you take serious proactive measures to turn things around, you all that are mentioned here, and you know who you are, are destined for hell itself.....

Do not take this as a personal, localized attack, this sickness within the church is world wide, and I'm only addressing your group, because there has to be precedence for discussion along the matter.  I can take a dart onto any church, on any map of the globe and I would be speaking of, and dealing with the exact same issues.  The rest, so far, I have not brought to their attention, you have the privelege of being the first, and it's not because of any of your merit's at all, it's merely where the Lord has me making the stands in the here and now, and why, it's his call and judgment all together.  

In Christ our Lord, Brian Millar

Scriptural references will be supplied by a dear friend of mine shortly folks